


These Arms of Mine

by goddammit



Series: Coffee Creamer and Idle Chat [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Humanstuck, Multi, and kanaya is suave as fuck, and rose is a little more insecure about herself, because she has no idea whats happening to her, i promise there will be sexytimes, in which kanaya is older
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-11-30
Packaged: 2017-11-10 21:08:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddammit/pseuds/goddammit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a little coffee shop on the corner that you've always adored. Quiet, with a gentle atmosphere, more than once you've made your way over to escape the drunken grasp of your mother. There was an open piano, and often times you've seen your friend John perform, skilled fingers dancing across keys as he played a variety of songs, from mellow piano pieces to smooth, happy jazz. Occasionally his sister and your best friend, Jade, plays relaxing bass alongside him, and your coolguy brother lays down sweet melodies with his sax. You thoroughly enjoy their music, and although you dabble in violin yourself, you're much more comfortable sipping an au lait and listening than actually performing.</p><p>At one of these performances you met the only girl that would occupy your mind for as long as you could think.</p><p>Her name is Kanaya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sunday Kind Of Love

There's a little coffee shop on the corner that you've always adored. Quiet, with a gentle atmosphere, more than once you've made your way over to escape the drunken grasp of your mother. There was an open piano, and often times you've seen your friend John perform, skilled fingers dancing across keys as he played a variety of songs, from mellow piano pieces to smooth, happy jazz. Occasionally his sister and your best friend, Jade, plays relaxing bass alongside him, and your coolguy brother lays down sweet melodies with his sax. You thoroughly enjoy their music, and although you dabble in violin yourself, you're much more comfortable sipping an au lait and listening than actually performing.

At one of these performances you met the only girl that would occupy your mind for as long as you could think.

Her name is Kanaya.

\---

The trio had opened up with some quick, bebop inspired songs that had some of the customers up and about, swinging and swaying and dancing, having a good time and laughing. You simply leeched off this happy energy, smiling to yourself as you sipped your milky coffee. Tonight was the celebration of some arts festival, and people had come from all over to partake in fine wine and art and literature and music. You were just barely 20, but appreciating creativity is one of the things you did best.

The lights dimmed, recycled Christmas lights twinkled from the ceiling, giving off glows of red, blue, green, and fuchsia. Dave took the mic to introduce a change of pace to the music, and pointed into the crowd, inviting someone onstage. You couldn't see who he was pointing at, but as a young woman made her way onstage, you felt your heart stop. She was absolutely stunning. She had carefully styled short hair, jet black, with the deepest green eyes you've ever seen. Her makeup was dark and sultry, the corner of her eyes turning upward into wings, lips painted a dark plum color, contrasting against her light olive skin. Her face was stoic, albeit peaceful, as she looked at the crowd with a loving gaze, almost. The audience was completely quiet as she looked everyone over, grabbing the mic. She looks at you, and you make eye contact, her lips slowly turning upward into a smile. You feel your heart pound against your ribcage, anticipating, what, you're not really sure of. But you realize the rest of the crowd feels the same, anxious to hear this mysterious woman's voice. She snaps once, twice, and then your ears are hit with a slow, gentle melody from your brother's saxophone. John then comes in with the harmony, and Jade plucks a couple strings...

Her voice is soft and smooth and warm like velvet, and she coos, words dripping from her mouth like melted chocolate. You are completely ensconced by the music, feeling her voice steep deep into your veins. She holds onto the mic stand like it's her long lost lover, tenderly, swaying with the slow rhythm, eyes half-lidded in concentration. Not once do you take your eyes off her. She is wearing a sleeveless black turtleneck, which matches her slim-fitting black jeans and low dark brown boots perfectly. A belt decorates her hip, slender and ivy green like her eyes. At this point there is nothing you'd like more than to fall asleep to her voice. She sings three songs, all about lost love and longing, and you tear up a little at the last one, because she sings with all her heart and the words themselves sound like bitter tears. As the performance ended, she maintained her expression as the audience clapped wildly. You absentmindedly gripped at the edge of your light scarf, wanting to walk over and hold her close, to thank her. Your coffee sits next to your arm, half-finished and now cold.

After the performance, you talked to Dave and Jade and John for a bit, helping them pack up their instruments and clean up the stage. You congratulated them on doing a great job, and Dave gave you a quick kiss on the cheek before driving both John and Jade home. You gave a nod to Karkat, the cafe's owner, before stepping outside and making small talk while he locked up. You are a frequent customer, and although he was always grumpy, he didn't seem to mind sharing quick exchanges with you. He left and then you realized you were cold, pulling the scarf tighter around you. You could see your breath in the cold night air and you just watched as it evaporated, playing back the tunes you heard tonight. You could even remember some of the lyrics. You sang them softly to yourself, walking down the street. Your house is only a few blocks away, and you didn't mind the exercise. Then the smell of a sweet, spicy smoke enveloped you, so you looked up, catching sight of the gorgeous vocalist sitting on a bench, curls of smoke rising from a cigarette in her hand. Your heart leaps. The street lamp gives her skin a pale yellow glow, and it's beautiful. You stand in silence, shivering ever so slightly, while you watch. Watch her bring the cigarette to her mouth, close her eyes, inhale, exhale. The smoke comes out in a stream from her mouth, and you imitate it, exhaling to see your own breath come out in a fainter stream. She heard you, and turns to face you, and suddenly you're extremely embarrassed. You just stand there, arms wrapped around yourself, as she looks back at you. Moments pass. She takes another drag of her cigarette, then holds it out towards you.

"I am assuming this is what you want, since you are just standing there, staring at me." Despite her sharp words, her tone is soft, like her singing was. You snap out of your daze, then shake your head.

"Oh, no. I don't smoke." She continues to stare back at you. "Thank you for offering, though, uh..."

"Kanaya," she says. You hear her name for the first time and you repeat it in your head. Kanaya. How pretty. "Kanaya Maryam. And what is your name?"

"Rose Lalonde." She smiles at you, and you feel your insides melt. You continue to stand there as she puts out her cigarette, mindfully throwing the butt of it away into a trash can.

"You're shivering, Rose. Where are you headed? Maybe I can give you a ride, since I feel that would be quicker than on foot." She steps closer to you, and you can see she is at least a good three or four inches taller than you. You can smell the spicy smoke clinging to her skin mixing with something else, an herbal scent, something like rosemary and citrus.

"Well, I am cold. The ride doesn't sound like too bad of an idea, but if it's out of your way, I wouldn't want to trouble you." You say that sincerely, because, well, you mean it. "I live down this street anyway, it wouldn't be a problem to just walk."

"No, I insist, because being out in the cold too long can make you sick, and my motorcycle is parked right there anyway, so we might as well." Motorcycle? She points, and you see it, a sleek black Kawasaki Ninja 250r. You've never ridden one before, or any type of motorcycle. You hesitate for a second, but she walks over to it, beckoning at you to follow. You do, and she pulls out a leather jacket from her bag and hands it to you. You don't say anything, just put it on as she straddles the bike, putting the key into the ignition and revving it up. She is still in her sleeveless turtleneck, and you see goosebumps on her arms. You give her a look of questioning, but she either doesn't notice or just ignores it as she pats the seat behind her. "Hop on," she says. You do, and you're a little awkward, your long skirt getting in the way as you try to secure yourself. You feel the motorcycle's engine work underneath you, the vehicle twitching in anticipation.

"Hold on tight, Rose. You have to wrap your arms around my waist, and stay there. I don't have a spare helmet for you, and it would be extremely unfortunate if you fell off. It'd be hard to steer to the hospital with an unconscious person in the way." She chuckles, and you give a weak smile back. You're a little scared, and especially nervous at the thought of being so close to the woman who made your heart stop multiple times this evening. You slip your arms around her waist, and hold her tight, pressing your front to her back. Where you make contact it is extremely warm, a relief from the icy air. She secures her helmet then turns to face you. "Ready?"

"In fact, I was born ready," you chip back, gripping hard. She kicks up the stand and with a smooth growl from the engine, you are on your way home. She isn't going super fast, much to your relief. You are both cruising, and you pressed your face against her back, enjoying her scent. You point the way to your house and when you arrive, a feeling of disappointment creeps over you. She pulls the keys out of the ignition and takes her helmet off, stepping off of the bike to help you down. You take her hand and brace yourself, finally stepping onto solid ground. Then you take off her leather jacket, reminding yourself that it is in fact, cold outside. She smiles and thanks you, turning back around to step back onto her motorcycle.

"Kanaya, I loved your performance today. Your voice is outright beautiful," you say quickly. She faces you again and studies your face more carefully.

"Thank you so much, Rose. I knew I recognized you from before. We made eye contact during the performance, right?" Her green eyes are piercing.

"Yes we did," you reply. "It's quite a coincidence that I got to meet you in person after that. And a lucky coincidence, since I got a ride home from you, an amazing performer, nonetheless." A smile creeps across your face. "Maybe our paths will cross again." No point in getting your hopes up.

She smiles back, then perks up, remembering something. As she digs through her bag, she says, "I think I may perform with those three again sometime soon, but as to what day specifially I'm not entirely sure. But..." Kanaya pulled out a pen and small notebook, quickly scribbling something onto it before handing it to you. You read it, it's her name and number. Later on that evening you will observe that her handwriting is extremely neat despite her rushing.

"You may feel free to call me anytime you need a ride, Miss Rose Lalonde."

You curtsy in a sarcastic gesture. "Why thank you, kind gentlewoman. I will take this offer and consider it seriously."

She giggles, putting her helmet back on. As she starts her motorcycle up again, you wave to her. She waves back, then takes off, and you watch her as she rides down your street until she's out of your sight. And even then, you can hear her motorcycle for a while after.


	2. Timing's Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today you can no longer deal with sitting and waiting patiently. You have decided this morning that you will ask Karkat if she's scheduled to perform again any time soon.

It's been a week and a half since you met her. You've been going to the cafe every day in hopes of seeing her perform again, or even just catch her sipping a mocha (she seems like a mocha type of person). You always bring a book in your bag, and recently you've also been bringing your laptop, typing out the words to a novel you are going to try to publish. It's a simple routine: buy your usual au lait and maybe a scone to munch on, pull up Word, and type away, sitting alone at your table even after your coffee is finished. Every once and a while you glance up to scan the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of her glossy black hair or her deep green eyes. John plays the piano every other day at 7 pm, and around 6:45 you anticipate seeing Kanaya, perhaps about to walk in the doorway, jingling the bells attached the the handle. It's been a week and a half of this and you haven't had any luck. More than once your mind has recalled her number, sitting in a special pocket of your bag, but you put those thoughts aside, reasoning that it's much too soon, you are not that desperate. And yet every single walk home after the cafe closes, you feel a little emptiness pulling at your heart. You lay in bed, trying to sleep, wondering how this woman could have taken over your mind after just one night of small conversation. You remember the scent of smoke mingling with citrus and rosemary, and slowly drift to sleep, content that maybe, you'll see her the next day.

Today you can no longer deal with sitting and waiting patiently. You have decided this morning that you will ask Karkat if she's scheduled to perform again any time soon. As you're getting ready to go out, your mom appears, leaning against your room's door frame, drink in hand (as usual).

"Sweetie, I'm glad you're getting out of the house as often as you are, but you're never home for dinner, and it's starting to worry me a bit. I try to cook special meals for you, you know."

You adjust your headband in your vanity mirror, rolling your eyes. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I am twenty, not fourteen. I'm allowed to be wherever I want at night. I know where you put the leftovers. I heated up some of that quiche for lunch today." You apply some of your favorite lipstick. "I never asked you to make me dinner, anyway."

Even though you're focused on applying your makeup, you can hear your mom stick her bottom lip in a pout and cross her arms. It's infuriating. "Rosie, I miss you," she whines. "Dinner is simply dull without my little girl spewing sarcastic remarks everywhere."

You turn to her and huff, "Mother. I apologize for leaving you alone so often, but if I can entertain myself, so can you." Your voice is stern and she raises an eyebrow.

"Sheesh, Rosie. No need to fume. I was thinking of inviting Mr. Egbert and Johnny over for dinner tonight, since it's apparent that you'll be absent." She smiles to herself, taking a sip of her drink. "I do enjoy Mr. Egbert's company. He's quite the gentleman."

The idea of your own mother flirting with your best friend's father is extremely grotesque and you can't help but make a face. She laughs at this, blushing slightly in embarrassment. Or it could just be that she is drunk, which wouldn't surprise you one bit. "Well, if I must keep an eye on you, then expect me back at 8 tonight. Wouldn't want John dying of embarrassment by himself."  


Your mother sticks her tongue out at you, then slinks away back into the kitchen, or wherever she was lounging about before bothering you in your room. "You're no fun, little miss Rose!" she calls back, and you pinch the bridge of your nose. You hate the way she treats you, like you are still a child. Just being around your mom is enough to put a bunch of dents in your mood. Thankfully, you are out of there, grabbing your bag from your bed and stepping into your shoes, easy black flats that match your headband. You nab your keys from the desk right next to the door and you're on your way, the walk quick and short.

The bells jingle as you enter the cafe, and you expect to see Karkat look up from the counter, say a quick 'hey' and begin making your au lait. Instead you are greeted by a taller, lanky man with his hair slicked back and a purple streak right down the center of his bangs, a flamboyant purple scarf adorning his neck, along with a mess of multicolored rings covering his fingers. There is no smile, he just examines his nails as he waits for you to place your order. What gall, you think. A new employee and he doesn't even bother trying to impress you. "Excuse me," you say, and he looks up at you for half a second before looking back down at his nails.

"Yes, I can fuckin' hear," he snaps, and the frustration that your mother had provoked in you earlier that day suddenly comes rushing back. But there is no point in snapping back, and you inhale slowly, trying to ease your nerves.

"Is Karkat here right now?" you ask, calmly, and suddenly he looks up with a scared expression, since he obviously did not know you were on close terms with his boss. Aha, you think, that should teach him not to be rude to faithful customers. He quickly straightens himself up and stands closer to the cash register, attempting a friendly grin. You think instead he looks like he's straining for air. A chuckle slips past your lips.

"U-um, well, he is here right now, but I don't know exactly where, he doesn't exactly tell me where he's goin' all the time," he stumbles, flustered. "Would you be orderin' somethin' right now?" Now he's just trying to suck up to you. You assume that he's probably been fired by many a job before, and this was a last resort. He doesn't exactly look like a type of guy who needs a job from a cafe, but you never know. Maybe he keeps up a fancy facade because he's a total tool. 

You shake your head. "Not at this moment. I just have to ask Karkat something." He scowls, quickly giving up on trying to impress you. You can feel frustration boiling underneath your skin again.

"Why do you have to bother him at work? If you're so close to him, you should just call him or somethin'. Some people come in here to actually get somethin' to snack on."

"Look, I said I'm not going to order something right at this moment, which implies that I will later. Now excuse me while I attempt to avoid any further conversation with you so I'm not tempted to strangle you with that hideous scarf." 

As you turn around and make your way to the back of the cafe, the cashier called back, "If you think my scarf is hideous than obviously you have no fuckin' taste!" Whatever. You ignore his remark as you find the door to the back room/storage, and open the door.

"Karkat? Are you in here?" You turn, and never in a million years would you be prepared to see what you have just laid eyes upon. Karkat is pressed up against the wall, holding John close, kissing him passionately. John is kissing back, eyes closed in bliss as his hand snakes its way up Karkat's sweater. Karkat is making small whimpering sounds that you will definitely hear later in your nightmares.

"Oh my." 

They both jerk up, eyes widened, staring at you. Karkat is turning so red you can only wonder how the rest of his body is functioning without the blood occupying it. He swears loudly, shoving John off him, pulling his sweater back into place. "Fuck, Rose, haven't you ever heard of fucking knocking?" he screams. John runs a hand through his hair and shoves the other one into his pocket, blushing as well. Karkat proceeds to go on a rampage. "Like, what the fuck could possibly be SO IMPORTANT that you feel the need to BARGE in here, without even having the decency to give even a faint warning signal?! I see you typing your goddammed novel all the fucking time, I know you are a proficient fucking reader, even good enough set a great all-important world record probably, what in your right mind gave you the idea to ignore the huge "EMPLOYEES ONLY" sign on the door?! Am I your bitch, is that it? Am I supposed to respond to your every single need like I am your servant and you are my fucking beloved master? Because as far as I know, I never signed a fucking contract handing my soul over to you!" 

You find his outrage a little cute, and you cover your mouth with your hand to stifle a laugh. John nudges Karkat, and he quickly turns to him, snapping, "What the fuck do you want, I am obviously in the middle of being SO COMPLETELY OVERJOYED that Rose feels the need to invade my fucking privacy like she's my own fucking mother!"

John shrugs, oblivious to Karkat's outburst. "I think you're overreacting a little. And I did tell you to lock the door..."

Karkat shuts up and turns an even deeper shade of red. The sight is magnificent. The both of them being all close and smoochy isn't that much of a surprise to you, though. Being at the cafe so often you are able to pick up on everyone's conversations. You've been noticing that since a few months back, before John performs, he first goes up to Karkat, smiling like a dork, talking to him while Karkat flusters and blushes. More recently, starting a few weeks ago, you've caught John with his arm around Karkat as he was cleaning up before closing, Karkat snapping at him to wait, he has work to finish. You smirk as you realize that this is the perfect opportunity.

"Lock the door? John, this is a public cafe. What exactly were you planning to do locked up in here?"

John's face is quickly matching Karkat's in color. He raises his hands and waves them about in denial. "Hey, hey, Rose, let's not go there!" He sputters a bit, then quickly changes the subject. "Anyway, you were looking for Karkat? What for?"

Now it's your turn to be a embarrassed. Though you feel a bit nervous, you try to keep your composure the same as always. "I was just wondering if Kanaya is scheduled to perform here again any time soon."

Karkat looks legitimately confused. "Who?"

John turned to him. The way John looked at Karkat gave you the chills. It was raw emotion, almost. John was already pretty easy to read, even though sometimes he is extremely oblivious to other people's emotions. You never took it personally, though. No one did, because it wasn't like he was intentionally ignoring people's emotions. He was just bad at taking subtle hints. "Kanaya, the girl who sang for us at the Arts Festival celebration?"

"Oh," Karkat doesn't look too impressed. "Yeah, her. I vaguely remember. The one in all black like a fucking vampire or something." John nods, resting his cheek on the top of Karkat's head. It wasn't difficult, Karkat was definitely short for a guy, about the same height as you. At the contact, Karkat initially looked like he was about to pull away, but then John kissed him, and Karkat visibly melted under him, all anger dissolving. "I can check the schedule if you want."

"She'll be singing for us again on Friday, Rose," John says, making eye contact with you. Karkat wraps his arms around his waist and John smiles into his hair. Then he looks back at you, grinning. "Why? A big fan?"

Oh no, he did not just go there. "Perhaps, who am I to deny myself from basking in musical talent?" you snark back. "I listen to you play so much, a little mixing things up would be appreciated."

John mockingly scoffs, playing along. "You love my music and you know it! I am the most talented and awesome piano player in this town and you can't deny that without lying."

You smile. "Sure, John. If that is what you believe."

"Okay, Rose, so you got what you wanted, now can you please kindly fuck off so I can enjoy John all to myself in peace?" Karkat interjects, glowering at you. "I was kind of in the middle of something extremely important before your high-and-mighty ass felt the need to step in and kill the magnificent mood that was previously established." John chuckles, his face flushing pink again.

You step back, hands up. "I understand. I apologize for stepping in at an inconvenient time. Also, Karkat, your new employee is kind of a tool. But you must know that already, since you hired him."

Karkat huffs, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, that's Eridan. Biggest douchenozzle of the century. I only hired him to shut his stupid whiny face up. He's the most desperate asshat I've ever met. But I think I've needed help around here, so it's bearable. Now please, Rose. I'm asking you kindly for fuck's sake. Leave."

You comply to his request, dutifully closing the door behind you. You soon hear a body slam against the wall and you shudder. You take a quick note to never, ever, by any means, go anywhere near that room again. As you exit, Eridan leans over the counter, glaring at you.

"Hey, I thought you said you were gonna come back an' order somethin'!"

Your thoughts were too occupied by seeing Kanaya on Friday and John and Karkat's activities behind closed doors to even think of recalling that you came here for a coffee. You think about it for a second, but then decide you'd rather get out of here as soon as possible than sit and be in this pompous idiot's company for another 5 minutes. Deadpan, you walk over and slip 5 dollars into the tip jar. He gapes at the money. This is probably the first time he's gotten a tip. Ever. You hope to collect all the good karma you can get as you give him a quick smile and a wave, leaving the cafe and walking not to your house, but Dave's. Dave is the person you can come to for anything, and right now you just want to learn anything you can about Kanaya.

You arrive at his doorstep and don't even bother ringing as you step in, kicking your shoes off near the door. You look up and he's sitting on the couch/futon in his boxers playing some fighting game. Gross. You really should remember to knock from now on. 

"Sup," he says, not even stopping to look at you. You sigh.

"Dave. It's about a good 75 degrees in here. And on top of that, it's about 5 pm. Why aren't you decent?"

He shrugs, tapping away at the controller. "Good question. Why didn't you knock?"

Bringing your palm to your face, you let another sigh slip. You're pretty exhausted, which is to be expected, considering you didn't have your daily coffee. On top of that, you've had to deal with Karkat's shitty new employee and walking in on something you could've lived your whole life without seeing. "Ugh. I was just stopping by because I want to ask you a few questions."  


Instantly the game is paused and he raises an eyebrow, looking at you over his ever-present shades. "What did Jade tell you?"

Wait. "What? Was Jade supposed to tell me something?"

Dave clucks his tongue and turns back to the TV, resuming his fight. "Don't worry about it. Anyways, Kanaya?"

You'll have to text Jade about this later. You have a dire situation at hand. You take a seat next to Dave, grabbing his controller and pressing the start button to pause it. He instantly turns to start screaming at you, but you interrupt before he can start.

"The fuck, Rose, I-"

"Look, I need you to tell me what you know about her." He shuts his mouth and slowly relaxes his shoulders, resting his head on his hands as he thinks.

"Why? Sporting a giant raging lady-boner for her? I didn't know you were the type to be interested in anybody."

You begin to protest, but then decide it's not worth it. So again, another sigh. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, this is the first time you've come barging in unannounced asking about some person you saw just once, so that's basically all I could pull from context. That or you really hated her voice and were planning to assassinate her or some shit." He smirks.

"No, no, you're right. I've been thinking about her all day and I don't know. I'm hoping this might ease some of my curiosity." There's been a lot of curiosity revolving around Kanaya since you saw her. Why haven't you seen her before? When will you see her next? How is she able to control your thoughts like this? You blink hard, regaining focus on the conversation. "You must've talked to her, because she sang with you guys."

Dave leans back into the couch. "Yeah, I did. She's visiting someone in town, but she'll only be here for a couple months before she goes back overseas. Did you notice her accent?"

You ponder it for a minute, trying to replay her voice in your head. "Now that I think about it, she did sound a little choppy."

"Yup. She's from some part in Europe, but her parents have origin in the Middle East of whatever. I didn't think it was that important, so I didn't really pay attention to details."

"Who is she visiting?" you pry. 

He shrugs. "Relative or something? Another piece of information that I judged as extremely pointless. Next." You push him playfully and he smirks, sitting back up. "That's all I got from her, really. Sorry I couldn't provide you with a long, detailed biography."

You lean onto him, closing your eyes. You really are tired. "It's fine. Partially my fault for not warning you that you'd be blessed with my presence today."

"No problem," he replies, picking his controller back up, and then another, handing it to you. "Wanna get your ass beat in Tekken 5?"

You take the controller, sitting up straight and grinning. "My ass beat? We'll see about that."

You proceed to K.O. the fuck out of Dave.


	3. Found A Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John's piano playing is slow, so slow, and starts with her words, her voice, so soft but so strong, strong and potent, invading all corners of the cafe and your mind, travelling from the tip of your nose down to your fingertips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((if you're wondering, the song that Kanaya is singing is I Found A Reason by Cat Power, which can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEApf_FT25M))

After beating Dave in Tekken about 10 times in a row, he kicks you out of his house in frustration. You've told him countless times it's his fault for having no strategy. You will admit he is the best button masher around, but nothing can ever beat carefully planned timing and special combo moves. As you put your shoes on, you check your phone for the time. 7:45. The dinner tonight, you remember, mentally slapping yourself for forgetting. You rush home, heels clicking on pavement as you walk. The sun has set and it's dark, but you don't mind. The way you can see your breath as you power walk reminds you of the night Kanaya took you home, and the memory itself keeps you pretty warm. She is just always on your mind and it is starting to bug you. You've never been attracted to anyone like this before. It's as if her voice reached out and took your heart and filled your mind, blocking out everything else. And it's wonderful, wonderful and painful. It's all new to you, so very new, and as you reach your front door it takes everything you have to shove all thoughts of her out of your mind in preparation to face your mother and the Egberts sharing conversation at the dinner table.

You check your phone once more as you open the door. 8:13. Shit. You place your bag on the couch as you step into the dining room, afterward being met with three glances.

You give a smile as you pull out a chair next to John. "I apologize for my absence," you say, picking up a fork and taking a bite of the salad in front of you. "I was too busy relishing victory against Dave at Tekken to keep track of the time." John snorts a little at your comment. He's seen you beat Dave, and he's told you it's one of the best things to watch.

Your mother rolls her eyes and takes a sip from her martini. "You said 8, Rosie. I couldn't hold dinner up just for you."

Mr. Egbert gives you an apologetic smile. "I tried to tell Roxy that we could wait until you got home, but she insisted that we start dinner before it got cold." You nod in response, chewing on your salad greens.

"I don't mind," you say after you've swallowed, "I had day-old pizza at Dave's anyway. If anything, I should have waited. Just being near Dave's kitchen makes me feel as if my cholesterol is going up." Another snicker from John.

Your mom looks over to Mr. Egbert, placing a hand on his. You shiver and avert your eyes, focusing on the salad beneath you. "See, I told you she wouldn't make a fuss out of it. She usually doesn't eat any of my hot food anyway, being the little pickypuss she is." She glances over at you, giving you a teasing smile. You place your face in your hands, restraining a scream.

"I'm a vegetarian, mother. There is a difference between having a limited palette and sticking to certain dietary rules."

She squeezes Mr. Egbert's hand, smiling back at him. "I dunno, sweetie. I think it's perfectly natural to appreciate a little meat in your life," running a hand over Mr. Egbert's upper arm. He smiles back and playfully flexes, getting your mother to omit a giggle.

You look over to John, and his expression could only be described as true terror. You quickly eat your salad before you lose your appetite and then stand up, grabbing John's wrist. "If you'll excuse us," you say, not even waiting for a response as you pull John upstairs and into your room.

He plops down onto your bed, groaning into the mattress. "Thank you for pulling me out of that nightmare, Rose. You should've seen them before you came. I think your mom was trying to force alcohol onto my dad at one point. And he..." John looks up, cringing. "And he..."

"I'd rather not talk about this," you interrupt, sitting on the chair in front of your vanity. The both of you sit in silence for a bit, trying to regain composure from any evil older person romance that was intruding the both of your minds. 

John sits up suddenly, startling you. He looks at you with a horrified expression. "Rose, what if they get married?! You'd be my stepsister! And my sister would be dating her own half-step-brother, kinda! Aaaaugh no Rose we can't let this happen!" He is now gripping your shoulders, shaking you. You wave him off, becoming pretty disturbed yourself.

"What do you mean, 'dating her own half-step-brother'?" Then it clicks. "Are... her and Dave..."

John nods violently, chewing on his lip. "Since a couple days ago, I think."

You were meaning to text Jade about this. "Why does no one ever tell me these things when they happen? You and Karkat, Dave and Jade..." Though John and Karkat was a bit obvious, the thought of your brother dating your best friend has you a bit shaken, especially since they didn't even bother telling you. 

"Well, Jade did say it would bother you," he says. "She was waiting to tell you at the right time, I think. Dave just said something about not wanting you to be like a relationship counselor." He notices the distraught expression on your face, and quickly continues, "But Dave is an ass! I think he was just kidding, probably, like he always is."

You nod, still a bit hurt. "... I guess he was just respecting Jade's wish to inform me about their relationship later." 

John nods back. "Yeah. That sounds about right."

You're both silent for a few more seconds, then you look up at him. "What about you and Karkat? I've been noticing the warm fuzzy aura omitting from you both, but I didn't think it was serious enough to ask about it. Am I the only one who knows about this?"

"Yeah, actually, you are," he responds, pink creeping up over his cheeks. "I didn't know we omitted any sort of aura. Karkat's been telling me he wants to keep it on the down low." John frowns a bit and slumps down, crossing his arms. "Do you think... maybe he's ashamed of me? Of us?"

You think a bit. "Well, he didn't seem so ashamed when I stumbled in on you two earlier today. Maybe a little embarrassed at first, but as soon as you gave him that wonderful reassurance of yours, any doubts seemed to evaporate. Perhaps he is just afraid of being judged," you conclude. "Karkat has known me long enough to know I wouldn't think lesser of him for being in a relationship with you. Or at least, I assume he knows that."

John squirms a bit. "I guess. But he's so loud normally, so I thought as soon as we were official, he'd be bragging about us, like I wanted to."

You give him a reassuring pat. "John, you also have to keep in mind that he might want to keep a professional environment between you two in the cafe. He is the owner, after all." He looks up at you, unsure. "I saw the way he looks at you, John. Not even his best friend Sollux could get him to calm down so quickly like you did."

He then smiles, playing with his own fingers. "I believe you, Rose. You have a knack for picking up on these things."

You then hear the handle of your door turn, and you both look over to see Mr. Egbert, smiling. "John, are you ready to go?" he asks. He then holds up a plate of cookies that has been carefully wrapped. "Roxy baked us some cookies, so you should thank her on our way out."

John nods, standing up. He takes a few steps toward his father before saying "Oh!" and stepping back over to hug you. "See you later, Rose."

"Yeah, yeah." You wave him off and smile as he leaves with his dad, closing your door behind him.

You grab your phone because, well, now you have a best friend to interrogate.

\---

Tonight you arrive at the cafe, a little more dressed up than usual. It's finally Friday, and the thought of seeing Kanaya perform again is placing a bunch of butterflies in your stomach. You put a little more extra care in applying your mascara and lipstick, but made sure not to put too much, or to over dramatize it. You also made sure to pick an outfit that complimented your figure, a knee-length pencil skirt with a sheer floral blouse tucked in. You picked your headband and bag to match your blouse, and as you put your nicest heels on over your tights-clad-feet, you make a promise to yourself not to lose it in front of her, or anyone else. You will be the calm, collected Rose like any other normal day. 

Stepping into the cafe, you immediately see the trio setting up, Karkat casually chatting to John while Jade and Dave tune their instruments. You notice that there's quite a few more people here than usual, and it doesn't surprise you. Kanaya's performance was outstanding, and there isn't much more to do in this town on a Friday night. You stroll over to Jade and Dave, and they look up, Jade breaking out into a smile and flinging herself onto you.

"Roooose I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings by not telling you sooner, I was just afraid you wouldn't approve! And you know your approval means so much to me, and I take all your opinions very seriously! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." She buries her face deep into your shoulder and you can't help but to instantly forgive her. You pat her on the back, inhaling the familiar scent of her vanilla-jasmine perfume. 

"Jade, it's okay. I've completely forgiven you. Now please loosen your grip or I might suffocate in your apology." She steps back, grinning, and walks back over to Dave, sitting down next to him. He puts his arm around her and you can't help but roll your eyes a bit. "You know, if you would have told me sooner, I might have even said you two are cute together." Jade blushes and Dave smiles the slightest bit. "Now, do any of you know when she'll get here?"

"Impatient, aren't we?" Dave taunts. You feel the blush begin to bloom on your cheeks and you sigh in exasperation.

"Simply curious," you retort, avoiding eye contact.

Jade perks up. "If you're talking about Kanaya, she's supposed to be here by now!"

This revelation has your heart pounding. Maybe she is here, but you didn't see her. How could you miss her? You thank them, then walk to the counter, maybe having something to sip on will distract you from your anxiety. Thoughts of your mother cross your mind, but you quickly shove them aside as you reassure yourself that you are not going to order any alcohol. 

"Well, if it isn't the flighty broad." Shit. It's that Eridan guy. Why is he here tonight, of all nights? You tell yourself that later you'll ask Karkat for his work schedule for you to memorize all the times you will not be stepping into this cafe. 

"I realize you don't like working here, and you should realize I don't like talking to you. I'd like a French lemonade, here's five dollars, you can give me the change when the drink is ready." You pull the bill out of your purse and push it toward him.

He pulls back and gives you a repulsed expression. "Sheesh, no need to be pushin' me this much. An' I'd rather give you your change now than later." He takes the five and pushes a few buttons, opening the register and counting out your change. "I noticed you're dressed much nicer today than you usually are. Who're you tryin' to impress?"

"None of your business," you snap, taking the change. He scoffs back.

"Look, that was supposed to be a compliment. An' I'm being serious, I'm really curious here! Is it anyone I know?" He continues to gaze at you with curiosity as he pours carbonated water into a tall glass with ice, mixing it with a thick yellow syrup.

"Well I appreciate the flattery, I guess. But I'd still rather not tell you." You watch as he garnishes the drink with a few mint leaves, then hands it to you with a small amount of reluctance.

"Whatever," he snorts. As you step away, drink in hand, you take a sip and it's pretty good. Delicious, even, better than when Karkat makes them. You start to think that maybe shutting him up wasn't the only motive behind being hired, and that maybe having him make your drinks from now on isn't a bad idea at all. You scan the room, looking for her. What would you do if you saw her? You haven't thought that far ahead, you'll cross that bridge when you get there. Sighing, you take a seat at one of the small tables by the window, and gaze out from it, watching the cars as they drive by. You hear the crowd as they mingle, the door propped open to welcome fresh air and fresh faces in. The lights dim, and you look back over to the stage, where Dave has the mic.

"Welcome, all you cool cats, to jazz night, the smoothest jig in town." He grins and you can hear some of his fangirls squeal. You roll your eyes, because wow, your brother is just soooooo cool. "And tonight we have something very special for you." He eyes the side of the stage and you follow his gaze. Your heart skips a beat. "Back by popular demand, give a warm round of applause to Miss Kanaya Maryam."

The audience cheers and you watch as she steps up onto the stage. You are seeing everything in slow motion, the sway in her step as she saunters to the mic, the way her eyelashes flutter a couple times before looking up into the crowd, and the way her necklace sparkles, the small charm of the Virgo sign. She smiles, soft and sultry, and you feel goosebumps begin to rise on your arms, the small hairs raising on the back of your neck. Again, she has captured your gaze, even from across the room. But this time, you have her gaze too. The crowd silences and she clutches the microphone to her, holding it close. You see her lick her lips before she whispers into the mic,

_"One... Two..."_

John's piano playing is slow, so slow, and starts with her words, her voice, so soft but so strong, strong and potent, invading all corners of the cafe and your mind, travelling from the tip of your nose down to your fingertips.

_"Oh I do believe_

_In all the things you see_

_What comes is better_

_than what came before..."_

She is staring directly into your eyes, and you gaze back, leaning forward. She sways, slowly moving her hips in time with the piano, and you have to remember to breathe.

_"And you'd better come come,_

_come come to me."_

You imagine kissing her. The way she'd smell like her spicy cigarettes and rosemary and lemons.

_"Better come come,_

_come come to me..."_

She was so warm when you held onto her, she was the only support you had while she took you home on her motorcycle.

_"Better run, run run,_

_run run to me."_

Her eyes are beautiful.

_"Better come."_

\---

She sang a few more songs after that, and even if her gaze would stray, you would always find it ending up back to you. You always welcomed it, you allowed her to see into you, through you, past you. Though you wanted to follow her voice back to the stage, you never left your seat at the table far away. It didn't bother you that much, because her voice had reached you there, regardless. The performance ended, and people left, but you stayed put, finishing the drink that you had completely forgotten about. Then you could hear the chair across from you being pulled up, and you looked toward the noise. It was Kanaya.

You couldn't stop yourself from smiling as she sat down, smiling back. "I assume you did not need a ride at all this week," she began, "Which is really unfortunate, considering I was not busy and had an abundance of spare time."

You raise an eyebrow teasingly. "I apologize, Kanaya. I've been getting home before dark." She's wearing a black tank top and a red cardigan, the sleeves rolled up to her elbows, displaying the bracelets adorning her wrists. "Would you like a drink? My treat, you were amazing tonight."

"In fact, I do," she hums. "Singing has made me thirsty."

"Great," you respond, standing up and grabbing your bag. She follows you as you walk up to the counter. Eridan is busy washing and drying cups by the time you approach him. He sees you and scowls.

"Can't you see I'm tryin' to clean up here? The cafe is technically closed."

Apparently Karkat heard him from where he was, helping the trio pack up their stuff. "Rose gets exceptions, you asswipe," he calls back, then quickly resumes helping John to gather his stuff. You smile smugly at Eridan while he groans, setting down the cup and towel to attend the cash register. 

"Ugh, fine. What do you want, please hurry up before I change my mind. Fuck Karkat an' his bullshit exceptions."

"I HEARD THAT!"

Eridan winces, sighing. You chuckle and look to Kanaya. She stares back before realizing that you want her to order. "Oh, you want me to tell him what I want. Alright." She turns to Eridan. "Just an iced mocha, please. To go." You smile to yourself, congratulating yourself on calling it.

He pretty much slams a few buttons before replying with the price. You quickly take out that exact amount and hand it to him. He puts it in the register then grumbles while he walks over to the espresso machine, preparing Kanaya's mocha. You both stand and watch in comfortable silence as he pours the coffee mixture over ice, shaving some dark chocolate over the top and spraying a swirl of whipped cream to finish. He puts the top on and sticks a straw in, skillfully removing the wrapper so that the top of the straw is still covered. "Here," he snaps, shoving the drink towards the taller woman. She takes it and thanks him, then both of you walk out of the cafe together.

The both of you approach the same bench where you had first conversed. The weather was about the same, but this time, the moon was full and bright in the sky, stars spread out across the dark blue. She took a seat at the bench, sipping her mocha, as you sat down next to her. "Wow," she mumbles, eyes widening, "I think that perhaps this is the best mocha I have ever had."

You nod back. "Eridan has a skill for making drinks, despite the misleading attitude." She smiles in agreement as you continue. "It's as if he makes them with loving tender care, like an artist crafting something." She holds the drink out to you, offering it. You take a sip. Sweet, creamy, chocolaty coffee covers your taste buds, and you savor it, swallowing slowly. "You're right. I think this is the best mocha I've ever had as well."

She nods, leaning back onto the bench, taking another sip for herself. She then brings her bag up to her, digging around before looking up back at you. "Do you mind?" she asks, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. It's fancier than any other pack of cigarettes you've seen, the name of the cigarette brand written out in script with gold embellishments. You observe that the words are all in French. 

"No," you reply simply. She smiles and puts her hand on your arm in thanks, then puts her drink down to tap out a long, slender stick and bring it to her lips, holding it there while she takes out her zippo, lighting it. You hear her inhale as the tip of it begins to glow. She kills the flame and exhales through her nose, putting the lighter back into her bag. That sweet spicy scent fills your nose once more, and you can't help but wonder. "What type of cigarette is that? I've never encountered this type of smoke before."

She takes another drag, careful to blow the smoke away from you. "Clove. I brought these with me from my town." She then smiles at you, holding it out. "Would you like to try?"

You seriously consider it. It smells nice and she looks like she's enjoying it. But you decide against it, your mother being a constant reminder of what addictive behaviors can do to a person. "No, but thank you. I'm fine just watching you enjoy it."

She raises an eyebrow and continues to smile, taking another drag. Inhale. Exhale. "You look very pretty tonight, Rose." She looks at you sincerely, and you blush. Kanaya then puts out the cigarette on the bench, aiming for the trash can and tossing it. She makes it, and grins. You can't help but giggle. "May I take you home?" she asks, matter-of-factly. She doesn't even need to ask, you tell yourself, and nod back, standing up with her. Walking over to her Kawasaki, she lets out a small laugh. "This is a little embarrassing, but tonight I have come prepared with another helmet that you can use." She pulls it out and hands it to you. Taking it, you feel a small rush of emotion. This means she had plans to take you home tonight, that she had wanted to enjoy your company once more.

"Why is it embarrassing?" you tease. "It was very thoughtful of you, Kanaya." Her smile is warm as she hops onto her motorcycle, and you repeat this, getting on a bit easier after having experience. You hold onto her tight as she takes off, cruising down the very same street as the last time.

The ride is silent, but not awkward. You just close your eyes and enjoy her heat and listen to the humming of the vehicle. When you arrive, you step off, feeling completely overwhelmed with bliss. She takes off her helmet and you take off yours, handing it to her so she can put it away. "Again, I feel as if I must mention that you can call me if you need a ride." She pauses, then continues, "Or you can call me even if you don't need a ride."

"Is this a request?" you sing. You can see her cheeks tint red.

"I think it might be," she smiles. You nod, understanding. Kanaya puts her helmet back on and starts up her motorcycle. But before she leaves, she calls out, "Rose, I really appreciate you coming to see me perform tonight, and thank you very much for the mocha. It was wonderful."

"I'll tell the barista you liked it," you call back, and then she's off, riding away. Tonight you will fall onto your bed, pull out the piece of paper with her name and number, and memorize it for tomorrow's first call.


	4. Matinee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You look back up at her, and before you can think about it, before you can even predict what is about to happen, your lips are on hers, and you're gripping her hand tight, pleading with her not to leave.

You look at the time. It's about noon, and you hope she's awake. Pray that she's awake, even. You do not want to upset her by waking her up.

You unlock your phone and stare at the screen nervously for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and dialing her number. You hold your pillow close to you as the line rings, once, twice, then you hear a click.

"Hello?" 

It's her voice. A part of you is extremely relieved that she picked up while another part is panicking in fear of not knowing what to say. You clutch the pillow tighter. "Hello, Kanaya. It's Rose."

"Good afternoon," she replies. You can hear the smile in her voice. "This is a pleasant surprise."

You grin. "Surprise? I thought we had discussed this last night." You lean back, a little more at ease, despite your pounding heart.

"Well, I had requested this, but I received no sure answer." She pauses and you wait for her to continue. "I had assumed that maybe you were going to wait until my next performance to talk to me once more."

You shake your head even though you know she can't see. "You assumed wrong, then." You hear her chuckle through the receiver. "I think I've waited long enough."

"Would you be needing a ride right now?" she asks, the mirth still in her voice. Your face hurts from smiling this long.

"Actually, Kanaya, I called to ask if you were busy at all this afternoon." You bite your lip in anticipation. There is some silence on the line for a few moments before she says anything.

"No, I believe I am free," she responds. You almost sigh in relief. Just then, you can hear another voice in the background, another woman. You can't make out what she is saying, but she sounds upset. "Um, Rose, excuse me for a second," Kanaya quickly says, and you can hear her put down her phone and converse back to the other person. You listen to muffled words. Kanaya sounds stern while the other woman sounds as if she is upset, her voice drawn out in whines. This goes on for about a minute before Kanaya picks up the phone once more.

"Sorry about that," she sighs. "But yes, I am available, and I was wondering what you have in mind, assuming that you are calling me to plan something for today."

You think about asking who she's with right now, but then decide it would ruin the moment. "There's a beautiful park a couple blocks down from the cafe," you tell her. "It's scattered with pretty oak trees and the like, and there's a small creek running through it. It's one of my favorite places to sit and read during the summer, but since the weather is so nice today, I was wondering if you'd like to visit it with me. We could stop at the cafe on the way there, since I haven't had my coffee today yet. I'm amazed that I'm able to function at all right now."

"Oh, I haven't been to that park yet," she states. "I always pass by it on my way to where I am currently staying, but I haven't taken the time to enjoy it. I would love to go with you."

"That's wonderful," you quipped. "How about we go in half an hour? Unfortunately my appearance is less-than-exceptional for going on an outing with a lovely lady." You hear her giggle again.

"Rose, you are flattering me. But I have to admit, I must get ready as well. In half an hour I will come by with an extra helmet and you can direct me to the park."

"Perfect. See you then." You press the 'end call' button and flop down onto your bed, smiling and snuggling your pillow in pure bliss. A date! A date with Kanaya, the gorgeous jazz singer, the _foreign_ jazz singer. Then you quickly snap out of it and get ready for today's outing to the park.

\--- 

The doorbell rings, and you quickly finish putting on your favorite earrings before practically running down the stairs to greet her. Unfortunately, your mother has beaten you to opening the door. Shit. Kanaya smiles at you from the door frame as your mother raises an eyebrow in your direction.

"Care to introduce me to this snazzy young woman?" 

You let out a huff. "Mother, this is Kanaya. Kanaya, this is my old crazy drunken bat of a mother."

Your mother smirks. "Hey now, Rosie, no need to get hostile!" She then turns to Kanaya, shaking her hand. "Please forgive my little Rosie's terrible manners, I'm sure if I hadn't reminded her she would've never introduced me to you!"

Kanaya smiles. "It's a pleasure, Ms. Lalonde." You quickly put your shoes on and grab Kanaya's wrist, dragging her out the door.

"Let's get out of here," you grumble. She doesn't protest, just follows you with a concerned expression to her motorcycle, parked next to the curb. You hastily grab the extra helmet and put it on, hopping onto the back of the vehicle. Kanaya smirks and puts on her helmet.

"In a hurry?" she asks. You just huff and grab onto her as she takes the seat in front of you, putting the keys into the ignition and starting up her motorcycle. This time you get to see everything working in plain daylight, the way her hands grip the handles of the sleek black bike. She revs it up, jerking forward a bit. You gasp, terrified, clutching onto her as tight as you can. She just laughs, and you squeeze her in revenge. She steers, smoothly riding down the street. When you reach the cafe, she parks in her usual spot, and she puts the helmets away as you step inside.

Instantly your eardrums are hammered with Karkat's screaming. "Eridan, I am so fucking sick of your elitist asshole attitude! You are a fucking CASHIER, and you are being PAID A DECENT WAGE to take these customer's orders! Now make Sollux his goddamned latte before I reduce you to janitorial duties, you ornery tool!"

You recognize Sollux, Karkat's best friend, off to the side, laughing hysterically while Karkat tells Eridan off. You have a feeling Sollux had done something intentionally to get Eridan in trouble. 

"This is fuckin' employee abuse, Kar! I'm going to fuckin' organize a union against you! I don't get paid enough to take your constant yellin' and naggin'!" Eridan whines, waving about dramatically. He then turns to Sollux, practically snarling at him. "You're such an asswipe, Sol! What did I do to deserve this??" Kanaya placed her hand on your shoulder, pulling your attention away from the three-way quarrel. 

"What the hell is happening here?" she asks. The three of them turn to her, Sollux still shaking with laughter.

Eridan stands straight up, pointing an accusatory finger towards Sollux. "This absolute prick is gettin' off on makin' my days the worst of my life! He's been doing this for days now, ever since I started workin' here! And Kar doesn't fuckin' believe his own employee!"

Sollux snorts. "Whoa, ED, I don't think you're mad enough right now!" He ducks behind Karkat as a spoon is flung in his direction. 

"Eridan, CUT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!" Karkat yells, then turning to Sollux, shoving him away. "And stop provoking him, you immature shitstain! Holy fuck, I feel like I'm mediating a fight between two small children! And I fucking hate small children!"

You've had your hand over your mouth for a while now, muffling the laughter that's been brewing inside you. The way Karkat gets red in the face when he yells is hilarious, and you've never seen a full-grown man be as whiny or as dramatic as Eridan is being. You look over to Kanaya, expecting the same reaction. Instead, her expression is deadpan serious. She squeezes your shoulder once before walking over to them. They all stare at her silently as she approaches. She then turns to Karkat, crossing her arms. "I understand how you feel as if you are babysitting right now. If you don't mind, I can talk to these two, and you can resume doing whatever it was that you were previously."

Karkat just gapes. "Are you being serious right now?" She doesn't budge, so he just throws his hands up in the air. "Alright, fine. You can deal with these douchebags all fucking night. Nothing I was saying was helping, anyway." Karkat storms off, just leaving Eridan and Sollux. They are considerably quieter right now, staring at Kanaya.

You are extremely impressed with Kanaya's taking control of the situation right now. You listen while she scolds them, observing their change in expression from frustrated to embarrassed. From what you can tell, Sollux was teasing Eridan the way an elementary school boy bullies his crush, and although Eridan was being a whiny bitch about it, he sort of liked the attention. Though Kanaya's advice was good, she addressed the matter as if it was a normal argument, something you would not have done. Nonetheless, everything was resolved, and you caught Sollux smile a bit apologetically as Eridan handed him his latte. You also observed that the foam on top of Sollux's latte had a pretty leaf (heart?) design on it, obviously Eridan's handiwork.

"Wow, Kanaya," you say, approaching her. "I think you handled that well."

She turns, offering an exhausted smile. "Yes, I have been told more than once that I am a good mediator. Now," she continues, turning back to Eridan, "I'd like an iced mocha."

"And an au lait for me," you add. Calmed down from Kanaya's previous intervention, Eridan simply nods, tapping in the order and taking Kanaya's payment, handing her the change and walking over to the espresso machine. You feel your arm grazing hers, and it gives you tingles. She doesn't retreat from the contact, though, staying put as she inhales, about to say something.

"Although, I find it particularly humorous that I am said to be a good counselor, since I am not very assertive in my own arguments." She looks wistfully at the ground. You are reminded of the quarrel she was having while you were on the phone with her, but before you can ask about it, Eridan hands the both of you your drinks. Kanaya hands hers to you for holding as you both exit, hopping back onto her motorcycle. 

You arrive at the park and hand Kanaya her drink. The park is beautiful today. It's November, so the leaves on the trees are painted brilliant scarlets and oranges, falling off the trees softly with the wind. It's sunny, with a few clouds in the sky, and the wind tugs at the tips of your hair gently. "Follow me," you say to Kanaya, and she does, walking beside you as you lead her down the paved path, passing by endless oaks and squirrels collecting the acorns in preparation for the cold months to come. You finally arrive at the edge of the creek, the sound of its quiet bubbling and the breeze blowing through the trees ensconcing the both of you, calming your nerves. "Here we are," you chirp, sitting down on the bench. "It's nice today. Not a lot of people are out." She nods, taking a seat next to you, your thighs touching. It sends a jolt up your spine. She sips her mocha while you nurse your au lait, lukewarm from the time that's passed. It's delicious anyway. 

"Despite that little bump in the road with those three stooges, I'm glad we decided to do this." You look into her eyes as you say this, and she chuckles. "Honestly, I've seen Karkat upset many times before, but the way Eridan reacted could put a Shakespearean play to shame," you continue. 

"Yes, I've never seen anything quite like it," she agrees, finishing off her mocha. She looks around, and you realize she's looking for the trash. 

"There's one on the way here, but unfortunately there isn't one nearby, so you'll have to stash your trash." She nods in reply, setting the empty cup down at her feet, then grabs her pack out of her bag, lighting up a cigarette. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and you ask, "May I try?"

She obliges, handing the cigarette to you. It is extremely light, and feels delicate, so you bring it to your mouth carefully. When you inhale, your throat feels like it is being burnt by spicy smoke, so you quickly pull it away from your lips and cough into your elbow, handing it back to her. She shoots you a concerned look. "That happened to me the first time I tried too," she says empathetically, taking a drag for herself. She makes it look so easy. You roll your tongue around in your mouth, the taste of cloves and tobacco refusing to go away. You vow never to try it ever again.

"What convinced you to continue, then?" you ask, gulping the rest of your au lait down in attempt to rid yourself of the smoky taste in your mouth, unfortunately to no avail. 

Kanaya shifts, adorning an uncomfortable expression. "Well, I tried it to try and impress someone, and kept trying as I wanted to gain her approval. Smoking is very addicting, though, and while I no longer have any desire to appeal to her, the habit has stuck."

You nod, resting your head on your hands as you gaze at her. "I guess I should inform you then that while I want to appeal to you, I have no intention of trying to inhale that smoke ever again."

She smiles. "I don't mind. In fact, I'd prefer if you not smoke, not only is it terribly unhealthy, but it's hard to quit." She hesitates a bit. "I've tried." 

Kanaya looks so troubled and small right now, a big contrast to when she performs, when her voice reaches out and touches everything, overpowering anything in it's way. You allow yourself to lean against her, to rest your head on her shoulder. It's her scent that convinces you to stay, and her warmth, both which are slowly becoming familiar to you. The sound of the swaying branches and rushing creek is all you hear as she leans back onto you, resting her cheek against the top of your head. She puts out her cigarette, dropping it on the ground next to her mocha. Your heart is beating fast, so fast, running miles as you watch her hand slowly cover yours, and you intertwine your fingers, feeling your breath catch. This is the most intimate you've gotten with someone. Ever. And what scares you the most is, that this has been the only time you've wanted to be this intimate with someone. She squeezes your hand gently, unknowingly pulling on your heart strings. You don't want this to end. You don't want to leave this spot, you don't want this moment to stop, you just want to stay where you are, inhaling her scent, feeling her cold hand on your warm one. You feel her warm breath as she sighs happily, nuzzling her nose to your hair. 

"Kanaya?" you mumble, almost inaudibly.

"Hm?" she hums, turning to look at you. You look back up at her, and before you can think about it, before you can even predict what is about to happen, your lips are on hers, and you're gripping her hand tight, pleading with her not to leave. She turns her body to you without breaking the kiss, and kisses back, pressing close. She gently pulls her hand away from yours, and before you can begin to panic, she wraps her arms around your waist, kissing you passionately, skillfully. You allow her to lead as she kisses you, again and again, and you follow her movements, feeling your body melt. A whimper escapes your lips and you are extremely embarrassed, but she reassures you, smiling into the kiss, letting one of her hands run through your hair. 

Suddenly, you are startled with a jolt as her phone vibrates against the bench. She quickly apologizes, then sighs in frustration as she pulls her phone out. When she sees the contact's name on her screen, her eyes widen and she curses under her breath as she excuses herself, quickly standing up and walking about 10 feet away as she answers. 

From the distance, you can't really hear the conversation, but you can see Kanaya's frustrated expression as she snaps into the phone. Quickly that expression turns into remorse, then to disappointment. She closes her phone then walks over to you with a somber expression.

"Are you okay?" you ask, deeply concerned. She just shakes her head and smiles apologetically.

"I'm sorry this wonderful day has to be cut short, but unfortunately, I have to get back home." She picks up her trash, apologetic smile turning down into a scowl. "I would much rather stay longer, but it seems I am needed..."

"It's fine," you reply, a bit shaken. Something strange is happening here, and though you'd rather not think about it, it will stay in the back of your mind until you get home, and you will continue to worry about it as you try to sleep. 

She steps over to you, kissing your cheek. "Again, I'm sorry." She looks at you pleadingly. "Let's continue this another time, Rose. I'll take you home."

You offer a weak smile, a bit unsure. But you trust her, so you walk with her back to her motorcycle, throwing away your trash properly as you went. Before you both put on your helmets and get on the motorcycle, you hug her, burying your face in the crane of her neck. She holds you, running a hand through your hair once more. It's very comforting. "Today was nice," you say quietly, still buried in her. "Thank you for this, Kanaya."

She smiles, nodding. "No, thank you, Rose." You step away and you both get onto the motorcycle. She takes you home, and this time, instead of watching her leave, she kisses you goodbye, apologizing once more. "I'm performing again in a couple days," she mentions. "I'd love to see you there again, I'd like to take you to dinner afterward."

You smirk. "That's pretty forward, Kanaya." She blushes. "Of course I'll come. Oh, and seeing you perform would be nice as well," you tease. She rolls her eyes, smiling.

"Feel free to text me, as I have your number saved now," she says. You simply nod, squeezing her hand. She kisses your cheek, then puts her helmet back on. You hear her ride down the street as you unlock your door, taking your shoes off as you step inside.

You can't shake the eerie feeling that something else is going on that you don't know about.


	5. These Arms of Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one has ever kissed you before, why would they now? But the way your heartbeats synchronized, if only for a few seconds, was enough to make you fall, fall into her heart and pull her into yours.

The next morning, between the shaking feelings of anxiety and excitement, you feel completely and utterly inspired, so you decide right away that this will be a day for you to concentrate on your novel. It's barely 8 am when you pack your laptop in your bag, slipping on your easy flats and walking to the cafe in the crisp morning air. The birds are chirping despite the overcast, and you decide that you definitely prefer the cooler temperatures of fall to the warmer summer temperatures. 

You recall the kiss you shared with Kanaya. She opened up easily to you, and took it even further, pulling you closer like she needed you. You remember the sound of her breathing, her cold hands on your waist, then slowly ascending to your face, goosebumps forming where she touched you. You had thought about that moment ever since you first saw her, you had imagined it at least a thousand times in your head. The reality of it overwhelmed you, exceeded all of your expectations. You had expected her to hesitate. To pull away. No one has ever kissed you before, why would they now? But the way your heartbeats synchronized, if only for a few seconds, was enough to make you fall, fall into her heart and pull her into yours. 

The way she kissed you reassured that your suspicions are only signs of paranoia, the fear of being left behind. Yet you try not to let yourself become too giddy. More than once you have seen tragic heartbreak unfold before your very eyes, even if it wasn't yours. You remember the way Dave became completely enamoured with a shy boy with a mohawk before deciding a couple weeks later that it was just a phase and he wasn't interested in him anymore. The boy with the mohawk - which, if you remember correctly, is named Tavros - had cried in front of you, confused as to why Dave went so quickly from being borderline obsessed to not having any interest in all. And you know that Tavros wasn't the only one affected by this. After Dave had stopped talking to him, he didn't even want to talk about him, sighing and looking away with guilt at the mention of his name. It was a couple months before either of them showed any signs of forgiveness, a melancholy air hung over their heads until then. 

It never ends up too bad, you remind yourself. You've seen Tavros in the park a couple times accompanied by a much taller, gangly man, who seemed to treat Tavros very gently, always smiling at his remarks, and you've decided that maybe it was for the best that Dave hadn't continued the relationship with him. That, and now Dave seemed very content in his relationship with Jade, and he seemed much more stable with her.

Still, you think, you want this to work. Never in your whole twenty years of living have you met someone who has made you feel so alive with excitement, someone who makes you smile so much, even at the mere thought of her. And never has anyone had you so scared of leaving you. 

You step into the cafe, overwhelmed by these thoughts, and walk to the register, where Eridan's attending. He looks exhausted, heavy bags under his eyes, half asleep when you approach him.

"Good morning, Eridan," you say to him, gently. Though he's been a bit of a brat to you, you've forgiven him, understanding that his problem does not actually lie with you but with something else altogether. 

He rubs his eyes, yawning. "It's too goddamn early in the mornin'," he replies. He then notices you and suddenly his eyes widen, darting in another direction, flustering, "Oh, Rose, it's you! I wouldn't have guessed you'd be such a early riser, actually I don't think you should be here right now, er, I mean this early..." 

This confuses you greatly, so you raise an eyebrow, crossing your arms. "What exactly do you mean by that? I know you've only been working here for a few days or so, but I often come here early to get my coffee and-" You stop because you notice that he keeps glancing over to the far back of the cafe, a terrified expression plastered onto his face. "Eridan, what the hell is wrong with you right now?" you turn, following his glances. "All I want is to order my usual and..."

Your sentence trails off, never to be finished. What you are looking at has made you lose all train of thought, and instead, you feel the blood drain from your face.

Kanaya is sitting at a table across from another woman, who has long, flowing black hair and glasses. You watch as this other woman smirks, putting her hand to Kanaya's cheek before whispering something to her. You see Kanaya's face begin to flush, and that is it. This has to be the woman you heard over your phone conversation with her, the woman who had Kanaya cut the date short to go home to her. You feel your nails digging into your palms as you tighten your hands into fists. You always read people correctly. The way she kissed you had to have meant something. Had it meant something to her? You feel your eyes burn with tears, but you will not let them fall. You are upset, but not pathetic. You attempt to collect yourself as you stride over to where they are sitting. When Kanaya sees you she looks instantly embarrassed, or guilty, or scared, or all three. It's hard to see things clearly when you're seeing red.

You give her a smile, then in your calmest voice, say, "Hello, Kanaya. What a coincidence."

She stares at you guiltily, then her company nudges her harshly, smirking. "Who's this? Is this that Rose person you've been talking about?" Kanaya then averts her gaze to the floor, shaking in terror. Her company taunts her more, prodding at her. "Why don't you introduce me? What, are you embarrassed? Ha!" Kanaya continues looking at the ground, avoiding your gaze. Her friend just lets out a small condescending "Tch. Typical." Before standing up and invading your personal space, giving you a maniacal grin. She holds up her hand. "I'm Vriska," she hisses, "The one that Miss Maryam here is staying with. Now I advise you to back off my property before I have to force you off myself."

"I am not your fucking property, Vriska!" Kanaya interjects, suddenly standing up. 

Vriska raises an eyebrow. "Oh, you're not? Do I have to remind you that I put all that beautiful time and effort in bringing you here, simply because you just _had_ to see me?" She cackles while Kanaya glares at her.

"That is not the reason I requested to stay with you and you know that!" For some reason, her rebuttal doesn't sound as strong as her previous one did. You feel tears stinging your eyes again. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. No, you are not going to break in front of her, because of her. You're stronger than this. 

You turn to Vriska. "You don't need to worry about me taking precious quality time with Kanaya from you any longer. In fact, you don't need to even worry about encountering me ever again. I have no further plans to keep in contact with Kanaya."

She looks at you with such a sad, shocked expression that you can't help but feel a sting of regret in your heart for saying that. She steps toward you, pleading, "Rose, wait, please, don't say that, you misunderstand-"

"I'm fine!" You snap. "There's no use trying to palliate this situation because it is over, however small situation it was to begin with!" You feel a stray tear manage to break from your barrier, streaking down your cheek, and that is your signal to escape. You quickly turn around to exit, and as you walk away you can hear Kanaya calling out for you, Vriska grabbing her wrist and restricting her from following you. Good, you think. Good, you don't have to deal with her stupid pleas for forgiveness, you don't have to inhale that gross cigarette smoke, you don't have to look into those deep green eyes...

Halfway down the street, you stop, feeling your cheeks becoming hot from the tears streaming down your face. You wipe at your eyes, but your vision quickly becomes blurred again from new tears. You wrap your arms around yourself as you shudder, sobbing. This hurts. This _hurts_. And yet, all you can think about is her, pouring salt on your freshly ripped wound. 

Then you hear rushing footsteps toward your direction, and you cover yourself up tighter. No one is allowed to see this. As the footsteps slow, you can hear heavy panting. Obviously this person is completely out of shape.

"Rose, I'm warnin' you right now, cheerin' people up is not my specialty." It's Eridan's voice, between deep breaths. He takes a moment, then continues. "But I felt like I need to tell you that Vriska is a total bitch control freak an' Kanaya did not look happy sittin' across from her. At all. Even before you got there. Which I totally understand because seriously, I've never dealt with a bigger twat in my entire life." He pauses. "Except for maybe Sollux. That asshole likes to strut right into the cafe like an inconsiderate prick, an'-"

"Eridan, I get it, you can't stand Sollux, that's great." Even though somehow Eridan managed to turn the conversation onto himself, it's distracted you enough for you to stop sobbing. Your eyes feel puffy as you look up to him. "But I don't believe that for one second. If anything, you love his attention, and you know it."

Eridan blushes, and (badly) covers this up by making a weak gagging noise. "That is the most disgusting suggestion I've ever fuckin' heard," he hisses. "I hate everything about him, his stupid nerdy lisp, his horrible 'too-apathetic-to-care-about-my-appearance' attire, the way he makes fun of my great taste, his disgusting obsession with Minecraft, whatever the fuck that is, and... and... Stop lookin' at me like that, you think you're gettin' in my mind or whatever, but I swear on my life there is no one I hate more than Sollux Captor!"

You give him an eyeroll. "Just don't have an aneurysm thinking about it." He scoffs, putting his hands on his hips, jutting them out to the side. This is just such an absurd gesture, and you are just so overwhelmed, you begin to laugh. And not a weak laugh, either. You're almost buckled over as he scowls at you in frustration.

"An' what the hell are you laughin' at?!" He yells, face reddening in embarrassment. You pat him, and he swats you off. "Seriously, Rose, what the fuck is your problem? I'm being completely serious about this right now an' you're just laughing, makin' me feel like a idiot or somethin'!"

You sigh, recovering your breath. "Eridan, don't worry about it." He looks at you, confused, and then you hug him, startling him. You feel the pain in your chest returning, and you assume he's noticed, because he's relaxed, awkwardly hugging you back, patting your shoulder. You then pull away, smiling a bit before the tears come back. "Thanks for running out here just to help me out. I guess you do have a bit of empathy beneath all those layers of self-absorbance."

"Hey, if you're implyin' what I think you are, then fuck you." You chuckle, and his expression softens the tiniest bit. "Yeah, I wouldn't take what happened today to heart because I don't really think Kanaya was enjoyin' that time with Vriska."

You feel your heart harden. "Eridan, when does your shift end?"

"Around 2 today or so, that angsty whiny lowlife Karkat feels the need to keep me all trapped inside that hellhole all-" His eyes widened. "Fuck, I better be gettin' back to work. Karkat's gonna have my ass if he finds out that I've been gone this long." He then turns and leaves, running back in the direction to the cafe. And now, with your distraction gone, your thoughts take over.

The walk home feels like an entire struggle in itself.

\---

Today is the day of Kanaya's third performance at the cafe, and you have no intention of going. You have not left your house since the incident, nor have you bothered to contact anyone about it. Instead, you've been sitting at home, trying to type out your novel until your feelings get the best of you. When they do, you simply close your laptop and lay in bed, listening to music. Music that isn't even close to jazz, that is. When that gets even more dreary and disappointing than it already is, you pull out a few of your favorite movies to watch alone. Your mother has tried to talk to you about it on multiple occasions, but you refused her each time. Her good intentions were enough to make you feel even more helpless.

And today you feel more helpless than you ever had before. For the past few days, Kanaya's been sending you texts, but you don't even bother reading them. You don't want to get your hopes up ever again. You pass the hours dreading your existence, how could you allow yourself to fall for her so easily like that? 

About an hour before the scheduled performance, your phone rings. You let it ring, screening your call. Or, more accurately, you wouldn't want to look and see Kanaya's name lit up on your screen, indicating that you have the choice to talk to her. It stops, then rings once more to notify you of a new voicemail. You sigh, allowing yourself to check your phone. One missed call from Jade. You relax a little, then decide to read the texts Kanaya has sent you.

"Rose I Apologize For Today And For Not Speaking Up And Telling You Sooner"

You read it in her choppy, enunciated words and cringe under the pain stabbing at your chest.

"I Have No Romantic Affections For Vriska Whatsoever And I Know That Might Be Difficult To Believe Given The Circumstances But That Is The Truth"

"My Relationship With Her Is Unfortunately Complicated But I Have Been Trying To Simplify It Since Before I Had Even Met You"

"I Would Be More Than Happy To Clarify This In Person With You If You Wish"

You feel tears sting your eyes again. Goddamned emotions.

"Rose I'm Sorry"

You let them fall.

"There Is Nothing I Want More Than Your Forgiveness"

And that's the last one. Sent yesterday, around 11pm. You hold your phone to your chest as you weep for the tenth billionth time. Thankfully the waterworks subside fairly quickly, and that is when you decide to listen to the voicemail that Jade left for you. You dial in your password and wait for her voice.

"Hi, Rose!" There is a quite a bit of background noise. She must be at the cafe, setting up. "Just a little worried because no one's heard from you in a couple days! Even Karkat says he hasn't seen you at the cafe for a while, what's up with that? Anyways, we miss you and your perpetual adorable dark snarky smile, so come down here to the cafe right now! Kanaya's even here! Don't be a party pooper!" The message ends, and you feel a hot ball of anxiety form in your stomach as you delete it. She doesn't know what happened, you remind yourself. You can't go. Not today.

You hesitantly dial her number, and bite your lip as you wait. She picks up on the second ring, responding with a chipper "Hello?"

"Jade," you snap, "I'm really sorry, but I'm not going to the performance today. I haven't been feeling well."

She's silent for a bit, and you can hear the audience chattering through her phone. "But Rooooose," she whines, "Tonight Karkat has the place all snazzed up for us! Pretty decorations and candles and pretty stuff like that! Plus, Kanaya's been asking about you." 

You feel the anxiety in your stomach threatening to force its way out of your mouth. "About that, Jade, I don't really want to see Kanaya because-"

"She told me what happened, Rose. And I can understand why you're feeling this way, considering this is the first time you've had an interest in someone. But! Even if you don't want to see her, you should come down and watch us anyway, tonight seems to be a special night and I don't want my best friend to miss it!" She is dead serious, you can hear it in her tone. You sigh.

"My appearance isn't clean enough for such a special event, if in fact it is one."

"Well, get ready then!" she chirps back. "See you then, Rose!" Jade hangs up, giving you no choice. But you are not one to go down without a fight. You take your time in the shower, and don't rush yourself picking out your outfit. You settle with a good pair of black jeans to go with your purple and green kthulu graphic tee shirt, pulling your simple grey hoodie over your ensemble. You don't bother with your make up too much, because, well, there's no one you're trying to impress. You say a quick goodbye to your mother before slipping on your worn-out vans that you haven't worn since you were 18. An outfit to match a mood, your mother would comment. Never in your life would you agree more to anything she says.

Halfway there, you begin to feel that pit of anxiety heat up again. You don't know how you're going to face her. But, you remind yourself, you don't have to face her. You'll get there, listen to their performance, say a quick hi to Jade, John, and Dave, and you'll head back home. No problem.

When you finally arrive, the trio are already on their third song out of five. You stand off to the side for a bit, taking in the decorum. There is in fact a quite a bit of candles, lit in duos on each of the tables, lining the side of the counter in a perfectly spaced-out line. No one was attending the cashier at this time, curiously. The song finishes and the audience claps. Over the applause, you hear someone call out your name. You look towards the sound, and see Eridan waving at you, surrounded by Sollux, Tavros, and Tavros' mysterious tall friend. You make your way over to them, giving a few "Excuse me"s as you accidentally bump into people.

"Wow, you look like shit," Eridan says, blunt as a spoon. Sollux thwaps him on the side of his head.

"Thank you for pointing that out, captain asshole," he sneers. Sollux then turns to you, rolling his eyes. "I apologize for ED's douchebaggery, Rose. I'm still trying to convince him that saying the first thing that pops into your mind isn't exactly socially acceptable." Eridan sticks his lip out in a defensive pout, crossing his arms.

You shake your head. "No, it's fine, I am completely aware of Eridan's potent ability to come off as a jerk when he doesn't exactly mean it." You exhale. "Plus I do look like shit. I will not deny the obvious."

"You don't, really look that bad," Tavros adds, offering a smile. "You just look exhausted, and maybe, a little depressed." 

You smile back. "Well thank you Tavros, it's good to know that my outward appearance isn't blantantly disastrous."

"Tavbro speaks the truth, as always," Tavros' tall friend nods, putting an arm around his shoulders. "Little motherfucker sees the light always before the dark side of things. Gotta dig that, it's not often that people are all up and on the positive side of the shit that goes down." Tavros leans into his arm, smiling up at him. 

Eridan places his hands over his face, groaning. "The fact that you two are always so fuckin' happy, no matter _how_ dire the situation is, will never cease to disturb me as much as it does."

"You're just jealous because you always have your expensive silk panties in a wad, ED," Sollux smirks. 

"That's silk boxers to you, mister I-buy-all-my-clothes-at-Walmart."

They continue bantering between themselves and you snicker at their bickering, turning back to Tavros. "You didn't introduce me."

Tavros perks up. "Oh, I didn't, huh?" His friend wraps his arms around him tighter, holding him close. "This is Gamzee, he may be tall, and stuff, but really, I've never met anyone nicer than him." Gamzee smiles, eyes half-lidded. He looks a little off, but Tavros seems completely comfortable with him, so you don't let it bother you too much.

"Motherfucking pleasure," he says, extending a hand to you.

You shake it. "Likewise." 

The trio start with their fourth song, and you watch them from your spot, standing and observing each of them while they perform. Next to you, Tavros is swaying slowly with Gamzee, and Eridan and Sollux seem to be standing closer to each other than they were before. It makes you feel a little lonely. They play their music and you have conversation with your company in between. They close off their part with something fast paced and jumpy, John and Jade smiling, all of them totally swept up into the music. You can't help but feel better watching them have fun like this. 

Then they finish, loud, powerful, clean. Everyone applauds, and they take it all in, smiling and panting a bit, from what you can see. Then Jade steps forward, taking the mic in her hands. You know what's coming up, and you feel as if your stomach is imploding. You tune everything out as Jade introduces Kanaya, instead inwardly debating whether or not you should leave. As Jade leaves, and the crowd claps for her, you turn around, about to bail. Instead you are met with Dave, who is blocking your path. You look at him pleadingly, and he knows. But he doesn't let you escape. Dave just hugs you once, a quick hug, then puts his hands on your shoulders.

"Don't be scared, Rose. She wants you to be here." You stare back in disbelief, but he doesn't move. You sigh and cross your arms.

"Fine. Since I have no other choice," you huff. This is breaking you inside, but you can't let Dave know. This will be over eventually, you remind yourself. A tapping noise omits from the speakers, so you turn to face the stage. It's Kanaya, and she has an acoustic guitar, sitting on a stool in front of the microphone. The dim spotlight is on her, and you can't help but hold your breath. She's always so beautiful. 

It's quiet as she adjusts her guitar. She licks her lips, blinking twice, before leaning towards the microphone. "I'm doing something different today," she says, her voice ringing through the cafe. "I picked these three songs with a specific person in mind." She looks through the crowd, and finds you. You look into her eyes, and clutch Dave's sleeve. Her gaze saddens, then she turns back to the front, strumming her guitar.

_"Just like a star across my sky,_  
Just like an angel off the page,  
You have appeared to my life,  
Feel like I'll never be the same,  
Just like a song in my heart,  
Just like oil on my hands,  
Honour to love you" 

Your chest hurts. She's looking at you as she sings, making sure you see her heartfelt expression as she vocalizes, slender fingers strumming the guitar.

 _"Still I wonder why it is,_  
I don't argue like this,  
With anyone but you...  
...You've got this look I can't describe,  
You make me feel like I'm alive,  
When everything else is au fait,  
Without a doubt you're on my side,  
Heaven has been away too long,  
Can't find the words to write this song,  
Oh,  
Your love..."  


Your pain will fade and transform into the strongest love you've ever felt by the time her performance concludes.

And it does, loud applause filling the room. She looks to you and smiles.

You can't even imagine not smiling back.


	6. Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She keeps asking, Rose, are you sure, Rose, do you really want to, and there is nothing else going through your mind besides yes, yes yes yes, now shut up and be mine.

She takes you home. And you pull her in your home with you, smirking as a blush spreads across her face to the tips of her ears. She stumbles as she rushes to take off her shoes, you urging her to hurry before your mom wakes up and bothers you both. She flusters when you both reach your room and you nudge her to your huge queen bed, kissing her cheeks, then her nose, then her lips, falling on top of her when she trips backwards, landing on your bed all soft and bouncy. She keeps asking, Rose, are you sure, Rose, do you really want to, and there is nothing else going through your mind besides yes, yes yes yes, now shut up and be mine. Her blush hasn't gone away, and you finally feel yours, cheeks warm, as your fingers intertwine with her on your bed, and it only deepens when you realize that it is your bed, and she's here with you, tiny little gasps escaping from her mouth as you kiss and suck at her neck, right below her ears. She isn't any less poised, any less graceful. Just more exposed. You can tell she's trying to restrain herself from any excessive shows of pleasure, and the way it looks is beautifully pained, she bites her lip when you shift your thigh to rest in between hers, against a place that gets you shaky just thinking about it. You're just really shaky right now in general. Kanaya has been so many firsts, and it's overwhelming. She wraps her arms around your shoulders and kisses you deeply. She swallows the small whine you make when she licks your lips, asking permission to enter. You allow her, and feel yourself melt into the kiss, eyebrows knitting in sheer pleasure. You feel your aggressiveness falter, and then suddenly you are gently flipped onto your back.

Kanaya is so careful and gentle. She pulls your shirt up and over your stomach, you arching your back so she can take it off in one smooth motion. She then sits up and you watch as she takes off her own, exposing her slender stomach and her lean, waifish figure. She's wearing a sheer lacy bra and looking at her fills you with an inexplainable heat. You can hear nothing but your heartbeat and your unsteady breathing. Still sitting up, she traces her fingertips down from your collarbones to the hem of your pants, making goosebumps appear at her faint touch. You shudder when she ghosts them up to your own breasts, that are a bit plumper in comparison. You lean into her touch, encouraging her. And apparently that's all the permission she needs. 

As she carefully grabs you in her hand, she ghosts her thumb over the cup of your bra, right over your nipple. You grip the sheets underneath you and tense a bit, turning your head to the side so she won't see your embarrassing expression. A chuckle slips from her lips and you grip the sheets a little harder, a bit more embarrassed. But you dare not talk. You don't want to distract yourself from the sensations of her touch. And Kanaya understands this, she understands that she'll have to rely on the small quick movements and breathy noises that you make to know if she's doing something wrong. Or if she's doing something really, really right.

Which, by leaning down and kissing you near the hem of your bra, sneaking her tongue underneath it, she knows she's doing it right. You inhale sharply as you feel her warm tongue taste your breast, her hot breath ghosting over you. Kanaya then retracts, kissing a trail back up to your neck, where she lingers, nipping at your sensitive skin gently, then tending to the small spots, sucking and licking circles around the shallow grooves of her teeth marks. You moan softly, arching up into her body. She responds by grazing her teeth over the top of your ear, kissing your forehead.

"You're beautiful, Rose."

You have a very small amount of time to process her words before you feel her hands reach underneath you and unhook your bra, exposing your chest to the cool air. You gasp in shock, which turns into a strained squeak as she places her mouth around your nipple, lapping at it. You are just so sensitive there, and her tongue is on you, it's driving you so _fucking_ wild. You raise your hips in sheer lust, rubbing against her thigh through your jeans. Another chuckle, but this time, you're too caught up in _wow this is just simply incredible_ to even bother with being embarrassed.

All it takes is some eye contact, and you understand everything she's trying to say, everything she's asking you. And she understands you. All your replies, wishes, pleads, everything.

When you come, for the first time, nothing exists besides you and Kanaya.

\---

She's the one who wakes up first. You feel a soft sensation on your forehead, and that is what rouses you. Kanaya is kissing you, first your forehead, then your eyelids, then your nose. You smile at her, wrapping your hands around her warm, bare body, and pull her closer.

The two of you stay like that for a few moments, holding each other close, feeling your heartbeats synchronize.

"What time is it?" You finally ask, pulling away for a bit to rub at your eyes. It's not light outside yet. Kanaya exhales and slowly rises, and you can see the silhouette of her naked body as she sits and checks her phone.

"4 in the morning," she replies. "I thought it would have at least been six already. I apologize for waking you up so early."

You get up as well, then hug her from behind, pressing your chest against her back. She places her hand on one of yours and caresses the tips of your fingers. Suddenly, you remember the day when you encountered Kanaya with Vriska, and you feel your stomach tighten. 

Do you want to ask? Do you want to know? 

Tonight has been perfect so far, you reason with yourself. You don't want to ruin it, and yet, you feel like you have gone too far with Kanaya to ignore that, or to even pretend like it doesn't bother you. You're still a little hesitant to ask, though, so you wait, first burying your face into the back of her neck, letting yourself feel her, making sure that she's really here, that this isn't just a dream. The both of you are a little sweaty from the heat that has been shared between you, but she still smells wonderful, the sweet scent of her pheromones welcome to your senses. 

After finally finding the guts to bring it up, you ask Kanaya about her. "What is your relationship to Vriska? She seems to believe you owe her a large debt."

Kanaya squirms a bit, sighing. She pulls away from your hold to face you, an anxious expression on her face.

"I guess I do owe you a clear explanation," she begins. You feel your heart begin to hurt from beating so quickly. "Vriska and I... Well, to put it bluntly, she was the first person I loved."

You bite the inside of your lip.

"I was born in France originally. Summer vacation had started after my 11th year of school, and Vriska had moved into an apartment close to my own. My mother greeted hers and encouraged me to make friends with her. When I first spoke to Vriska, she didn't understand French at all. She didn't even want to be there in the first place. But I didn't really have any close friends from school and I was the only person Vriska really knew, so we ended up spending a lot of time together." Kanaya sighed, running a hand through her already-mussed hair. "She taught me to smoke, and told me about her boyfriend back in America. She constantly made fun of me, and called me clingy, but despite all of that, whenever she had a problem I would be the first she came to. And unfortunately, I fell in love with her." She looks at you apologetically, and all you can do is shake your head, urging her to continue.

"I told her one night, and she kissed me. But I knew it was all a game to her. She held my hand and kissed me while she continued to talk about her boyfriend. I couldn't stand it. I became desperate, trying to do anything to please her. And yet..." Kanaya crosses her arms, pursing her lips. "She went back to America after we graduated high school, and we stopped talking so much. I fell out of love with her, but you must understand, she was one of my only friends at the time. My mother did not have enough money to send me to a good school, so I contacted Vriska, remembering all her talk about America and how wonderful it sounded. She agreed, and I thought everything was going to go smoothly, but it seems..." She struggles with this last part, "It seems that Vriska had broken up with her boyfriend and she feels as if that entitles her to be jealous of me and whoever I converse with. It's exhausting, and not very fair at all."

You kiss her cheek, a little relieved. She smiles, and you notice her relief too. She must've been afraid you were going to reject her after this. "You can stay here," you offer, quietly. "My mother is a little overbearing, and perpetually drunk, but we don't have to stay at home all day. I'd actually rather spend time with you showing you around our quiet little town."  

"Rose, that sounds really great," she kisses you back. "But I do not want to cause a burden on your mother. Vriska isn't asking any rent money from me, which is unusually nice of her." Kanaya sighs. 

"And, unfortunately, I believe she gets a little lonely sometimes." 

You look down at the sheets, biting your bottom lip, holding back your jealousy. You can’t deny that they have history, and you have to give Kanaya some credit. She gave you the whole story, even the parts you didn’t really want to hear - though you needed to. 

“Kanaya, can you promise me something?” You look back up, and catch her eyes. She doesn’t look away. She looks deep into your own eyes as she always has, piercing, unwavering.

“Of course.”

“Promise me you won’t let her use you anymore. You need to respect yourself more than that. You’re a successful, talented singer, you’re beautiful, you’re-”

You’re cut off by Kanaya’s lips on yours, and as you close your eyes, letting your arms wrap around her bare shoulders, you know you can trust her. 

You soon fall asleep holding each other, and you don’t wake up until it’s well past noon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! Thank you to everyone who's liked this so far. <3
> 
> I plan on continuing this series, possibly re-writing this entire fic. It's sad to say that I re-read this and cringed. I had started writing this last summer on a goal that I'd finish one chapter every day. It almost worked out like that, with 2 chapters being added later, between long breaks (I am so so sorry.) I was originally going to continue this one with a few more chapters, but due to my spite of the characterization in this fic, I have decided to end it here. u_u
> 
> But like I said, have no fear, I shall continue this series! 
> 
> Support and encouragement always helps me and reminds me that yes, people actually do in fact, enjoy my writing sometimes. So thank you especially to those who sent me some. 
> 
> Until next time,  
> goddammit


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